5   69
2   92
17   245
8   95
3   66
17   168
9   61
19   154

Pregnancy Struggles: I Just Want My Body Back

I am 7 months pregnant. We New Englanders just finished (yes, just in May) another long frigid winter where we still haven’t seen the sun for days. I look like a real life snowman. Exactly like a snowman. Although I’m usually big on ‘don’t let em’ see you sweat’, it’s time to just say it. Baby body the second time around is awful. Real life snowman like even.

For those of you who know me, I know what you are thinking. So Either stop rolling your eyes or get off this blog. I’m sick of the stigma that ‘thin’ girls can’t possibly feel poorly about their bodies . Body image affects all women. ALL WOMEN. So let me just get that out-of-the-way. Besides, pre-baby body wasn’t thin…just perfectly proportionate thank you very much. So now that we’ve gotten that out-of-the-way…

My New Body

The list of pregnancy complaints is long. I’ve been the same weight and size my entire life and even after having Bailey returned back to ‘normal’ for the most part. I had Bailey at 29 and am now 34. This pregnancy has been entirely different. My doctor says ‘your body just remembers’. Horse shit. My body hates me, that’s what’s going on. It’s not just about weight or size but about how this second pregnancy body makes me feel.

I’m struggling with this new body. I’m struggling that nothing fits me and maternity clothes make you feel even worse about yourself somehow. I”m struggling that I’ve now had to buy bras in different cup sizes multiple times. My skin and my hair are acting differently. Let’s not even get started on how I have to pee every 30 minutes. I don’t feel beautiful or sexy. I feel heavy, tired and huge.

Every now and then I’ll hear a woman say ‘oh I miss being pregnant’ and I want to turn around, shake her, get very close face to face and say “are you insane?!” Yes, my story is just one side of the story and there are women (who are perhaps paid very well by some baby making service?) that love being pregnant, who will tell you pregnancy is all roses…I’m here to tell you, it’s not. My normally boast of being self-confident is well, confused.

Let’s Talk About Hormones

Let me tell you, they are real. So fucking real. My first pregnancy was okay. Minimal hormone changes, none of the weird shit that was supposed to happen did and my hair continued to look amazing.

This time around I can literally feel the hormones swirling around inside of me. I can feel them in my body brought on by the slightest thing that causes irritability. My boyfriend deserves a trophy for putting up with me. I have learned to recognize when my hormones are stirring up and it’s terrifying. I’m crying. I’m sobbing. I can’t complete full sentences. I’m angry and all of it I don’t understand. I mentally wrestle myself to recognize and come back down. So when you are dealing with a pregnant woman no matter what type of context, hormones are not a myth. They are very real.

I just want my body back. I want myself back.

Aches, Pains and Nausea

The first trimester, I was classically sick like you read about. Nauseous, hurled over in pain, couldn’t sleep. The only thing I could eat was pizza. Pizza was my savior. I gave up coffee in the first trimester. Mix that misery with a cold New England winter and all I wanted to do was crawl into a hole and hibernate. How could this pregnancy be so different from my first? I didn’t want to move. I wouldn’t get dressed or put on make up for days or even try. I just kept telling myself I needed to get through it and it would be better after the first trimester just like they say.

At the end of January I took a hard fall on ice landing on concrete. I went flying through the air like superman during a snowstorm. Oh yeah, lots of people saw. It was classic. My body ached and I started to have back pain. Combine that with a body that has extra pounds on it from growing baby and boobs and it’s not good. (I am sure my steady diet of pizza and hibernation didn’t play into my favor either.) My lower back pain continues to the point of tears at night and my doctor recommended physical therapy.

Mental Health Check

When you become pregnant, your body is not your own. The physical changes are immense. You are growing another human inside of you. I am reminded probably every 3 minutes by my very active baby extending a body part into me and not retracting it. All. night. long. You will be directed to get plenty of rest. I am a single working mother, exactly where does the rest come in when you already have kids?

Yes it’s magical and amazing, but creating another human is also an overwhelmingly insane task that’s actually going on within your body. I believe a lot of woman are afraid to talk about their pregnancy woes publicly for the same fear that women don’t talk about how hard it is to have a newborn: we are afraid of being judged. Afraid of the idiot with the lack of insight who will say ‘aww but it’s all for the baby’ or make comments about our ability and desire to be a mother. None of the way I am feeling takes away from my passion to be a Mom again and my excitement for the new baby being here. That will always naturally supersede everything else.

Many women face depression during pregnancy and many factors through out pregnancy can be signs that a mother will suffer from postpartum depression after the baby is born.

With 11- 20% of woman experiencing postpartum depression, why are we not talking about this sooner?

According to the Center for Disease Control, out of the 4 million live births each year, 600,00 of those women suffer from postpartum depression. Those are only the ones we know about. The ones that have asked for help. Think about that. How many cases could be added on to the statistic that we never know about?

Own It

So yes, I just want my body back. I want my waist back. I want my boobs to go back to their regular size and my veins to stop showing on my pale New England skin. Mainly, I just want to feel normal. I want to have the energy and enthusiasm to be my normal ambitious self. I want to stop snapping at my family because of my raging hormones and my god, I want to sleep. With an incoming newborn that will have to wait, but it’s still on my wish list.

There is a mile long list of advice that I could give…eat right, sleep as much as you can, work out…but I’m not taking half of it so why should I expect you to? The reality is that just because you’re pregnant, the world doesn’t stop turning and allow you to do these things as easily as it sounds. The biggest piece of advice lately is to stay stress free which is just about as realistic as a purple glitter spotted Unicorn. Prioritize the best you can what you need to do for you. That is my only advice.

First step on my agenda is owning my opportunities. Own it. Talk about it. Do what’s right for you and I’m here to tell you, it’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to not love your body or to not love being pregnant. It’s okay to cry when nothing fits in your closet. It’s okay to eat the pepperoni pizza! All these feelings are normal and as long as you are taking care of yourself and your new baby then it’s really okay.

XO

I would love to hear anything that’s worked for you or anything you may be struggling with. If you are experiencing any signs of depression while pregnant, I urge you to talk to your doctor about it. You can find more information by  CLICKING HERE.

Ready to be a working mom? For my best advice Click Here.

 

 

Follow:
Share:

11 Comments

  1. July 1, 2017 / 9:03 am

    Jenny, though I haven’t been pregnant for years, i completely empathize with you. Hated pregnancy! Both of them. And yes, they were both different. But I ended up with two of the most amazing you men (23 and 26 now). And based on who you are, you will be rewarded with two beautiful people to nurture and gift to this world. Your brutal honesty is what we need. You are almost there. Keep going. Xo, Ann

    • Chocolate and Lace
      Author
      July 8, 2017 / 1:07 pm

      Thank you for your kind words Ann!!! It means the world to me and love hearing the advice XO

  2. November 25, 2017 / 2:12 pm

    I laughed loud when you said that when your hear a woman saying ” I miss being pregnant” you want to shake them and ask “are you insane”? lol. This is what I want to do, as well. I am pregnant with my second baby and my first pregnancy was everything you said you are living in your second one.
    I guess every pregnancy is different. I felt so ugly, huge and unattractive in my first pregnancy. I had so many complications. But, this second baby is giving me a much better time. I almost have no nauseas or pain and feel beautiful.
    Your post inspires me to write a post about my struggles and I hope you dont mind that I intent link it back to this article.

    Lana ,
    http://www.marieavenue.com

    • Chocolate and Lace
      Author
      November 26, 2017 / 8:36 am

      Lana congratualtions on your pregnancy! So happy for you and thank you for taking the time to write here, it means the world to me. Two vs one sure is different! Been meaning to write about that next. You should absolutely write about your challenges and joyous moments – writing is such a wonderful vehicle to get some of those hormones out hahaha. Link away! Try your best to enjoy! Are you having a girl or boy? Congrats XOXO

      • November 26, 2017 / 1:29 pm

        I am having another girl. I started to write back in August and had to took a 3 months break because of the sickness of the first trimester. Just now I am back and found is wonderful to have a blog as I dont like journals. I am writing about several things since then, motherhood, food, DIY and it really helps with the stress caused by hormones and pregnancy. Love that I found your blog. How long have you blogging? I couldn’t your social media accounts.

        • Chocolate and Lace
          Author
          December 3, 2017 / 10:27 am

          So exciting! In the end I am so happy I had another girl 🙂 I started my blog in 2015. My IG is @chocolateandlace_ and there are other platform links here on my blog. Writing is good for the soul keep it up! XO

  3. Danielle Rosenberg
    May 6, 2018 / 11:13 am

    Omgggg literally this was me in both pregnancies!!! I felt so guilty that I loathed it so much. And I think that contributes to the depression…during and postpartum…. I suffered from postpartum badly. And the changes to your body are life changing…
    Why is this a horrible thing to talk about? Go girl…this is real life and I applaud you

  4. Nasia Ullas
    December 21, 2019 / 4:47 am

    It’s an old post but so me right now. Losing my sanity.

    • Chocolate and Lace
      Author
      December 21, 2019 / 2:56 pm

      Stay sane. You’ve got this momma. XO

  5. Renay
    July 25, 2020 / 1:30 pm

    I’m 12 weeks and realizing what I just signed up for! I keep thinking to myself, if I hate it this early on, imagine how i will feel when I’m 8 months pregnant! I’m absolutely dreading all of this pain and sickness and crazy hormone stuff! I hate to say it but sometimes I am depressed, I’ll spend days upset about the nausea and overall lack of understanding from all of my non-pregnant friends and coworkers! I now appreciate my mother and all other mothers out there so much more… I can only imagine the pain of birth!

    • Chocolate and Lace
      Author
      August 6, 2020 / 2:51 pm

      You will get through this XO thinking of you

Add comment

What do you think?

powered by chloédigital